8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
