I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
