he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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