So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
