It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
