kristin has been a bad kristin
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize