he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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