i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
