Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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