You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
