i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
