Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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