Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
