someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
