My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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