What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
