There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i think my cat just said my name.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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