apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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