do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
