I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
