Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
