did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
