Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
3 2 1 whiskey
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
