That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize