i would punch a child for taco bell
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
