Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
