I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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