They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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