By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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