I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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