This girl is more easily done than said...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
