I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
