I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If I had your ass I would rule the world
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
