Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
