...so i touched it.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
