wat bout pragnant strippers??
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
