just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
