Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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