Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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