We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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