I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
