the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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