is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
