I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
