she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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