Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize