Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So here I am, sexting at work.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
