There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
