DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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