I didn't shave. On purpose
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
