First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
