He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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