Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
